Overcoming Obstacles

I love words. When I can't make sense of the chaos that life can sometimes bring, words bring some form of sense to the madness. Maybe that's what happened when God spoke and things began to take shape. The chaos of the darkness and the waters began to take on recognizable forms and sense was made--God's sense was displayed in the beauty of the nature He created.

This weekend was a trying one to say the least. Without going into too much detail, I will say a scary episode happened with my oldest son where he passed out and had a mini-seizure. Thankfully, I was near enough to catch him and bring him down to the ground safely. He and I spent the evening in the ER. A place I'm more familiar with than I want to be after a collective of 17 years worth of visits for dirt bike related injuries. Plus, the run-of-the-mill visits you will have from time to time with children.

This weekend's ER event ended after a vast array of tests were run, all to conclude that nothing physically showed signs of an issue, so it must have just been a random "weird" occurrence. I was thankful for this news. It was a shocking experience to say the least.

Sunday was eventful in a different way. My children have been attending a youth group on Sunday evenings at a church different from where we all go as a family on Sunday mornings. They have been wanting us all to go together one Sunday morning and my husband was on board with it. I obliged Sunday morning despite my hesitation. I know it shouldn't seem like a big deal, but I wanted nothing more than to be with my church family Sunday morning. Especially after the craziness of Saturday night. So, it was a bit overwhelming meeting lots of new people and trying to be present. I experience a lot of anxiety in these types of situations. I don't really know why, but it's the reality of the situation. So, after church yesterday, I just felt very emotionally exhausted. I had a planned meal prep course though and thankfully that did help to lighten my day yesterday. I was a little apprehensive about beginning it, because there were times I was on the verge of tears yesterday, but I decided that what I was trying to do was bigger than the emotions I was experiencing and I needed to press on. I'm so glad that I did, because we enjoyed ourselves so much cooking together. It lightened the day where I could end on a high note.

Then, this morning, I woke up determined to have a good day--hopeful. I started out enjoying my coffee, reading the Bible. I was excited to start school with the kids because today we study Shakespearean sonnets. I had everything gathered to go to the park and have a picnic, do school and enjoy the day outdoors and the first obstacle that came up, my son comes in and tells me he just found out he was about to have to go to work. So, I quickly had to change gears and begin school at home🙃. That was the first transition that began to throw my day off the course I had laid out. But, then, after we finished up school, I decided to continue plans to go to the park. I concluded that the picnic and playing could still happen. My youngest daughter was out tending our chickens and I recognized that she was trying to find a way to try to keep them in their pen while we were gone, because she noticed hawks (a known predator of chickens) flying around. However, this instigated a long debate back and forth because what she was attempting to do to fix the problem, was only going to create a bigger one because the way she was going about it, she was about to break the pen we have set up. I of course went about trying to get her to come inside to get ready and to leave that project alone. This instigated her getting angry at me, and yelling. Of course I had to sit down and have a talk with her. In the middle of the talk, my father-in-law pulled up to pick up my son for work. I wrapped up the talk and on the verge of tears came into the kitchen to tell him hello. He just reached his arm around me and gave me a long hug. It was much needed. Parenting can be so difficult at times.

After my son and father-in-law left for work, we loaded up to head to the park. Still feeling the weight of my emotions, the ride was a quiet one. I determined after I got to the park, I would sit down and journal it all out. Then, I could reset and enjoy the day, the way it was meant to be enjoyed. Along with writing out a poem about thoughts. For some reason a few words came to mind--"quest", "symbiotic" & it's opposite, "parasitic". I love the simplicity of words and being able to look up the meaning of those words. (See photo--good luck reading my hand writing👀)

I feel like each day is a bit of a quest. It's certainly a journey to get through some days to the end. Some journeys are amazing, and memorable for all the right reasons, others are memorable because they create lots of negative emotions, traumatic experiences and plot twists that take us away from our plan or aim. It's what we do when we find ourselves in those points that can make all the difference.

Like today, all I wanted to do was curl up in a blanket and eat my emotions as I allowed my negative thoughts to drive me. That's a behavior pattern that--often, was a go-to, a few years ago. It still beckons me to it at times. The problem with that behavior pattern is, it doesn't bring resolve. It just allows me to ruminate in the thoughts that drove me to that behavior in the first place and leaves me wanting. Then, over time, it creates an entirely different issue--as I usually don't choose healthy foods in these times, I choose the ones that titillate my tastebuds so that I have pleasure in moments that would otherwise be only painful--causing my body to have to work harder than it needs to to digest and store these non-nutritive foods, taking nutrients from vital parts of my body to digest, catalyze and assimilate (my non-nutritive food become parasitic in nature).

I do feel sometimes I need to step away from situations, to breath, gain better composure and then, I have a clearer thought process to go about them. That's kind of what happened today-- in being able to follow through with the plan, as best as we could--even if we were down one man. To take the time to just put thoughts into paper and get it out was also helpful. Sometimes seeing the things bouncing around in your mind placed in black and white on paper, somehow gives you better perspective. At least it seems to.

Looking at the words symbiotic vs parasitic was interesting. Honestly, I had never made the connection that a parasite was the opposite of a symbiotic relationship. But, it just made me to think about how our thoughts can be symbiotic or parasitic. Sometimes my thoughts are beneficial, like when I dream of helping others to find a better path toward health, or I wake up and am hopeful and plan out a great day for my kids. Unfortunately, those things don't always play out in real life the way they do in my mind. Obstacles come, other relationships are involved. It's all ebbing and flowing, causing conflicts and needing resolutions. Those things can either become parasites that drain us of what good we have, of those dreams we dream, or we can keep our wits about us and press on toward the prize. I want to choose to press on. I don't want to be running the race, be cut in on, and then give up entirely. If I have to come to the finish line limping and mangled, so be it. At least I will know, that I know, that I know, I gave it my best.

I hope that if you read this, you find or glean some hope from it. Because at least that means, my rough morning helped to give someone else something they needed. If it does, please comment. I know this blog doesn't see too many eyes, but the ones who do see it, I hope that it brings value to you in some manner. Life can be tough, but it's much better when shared with others. So, keep pressing on. Keep sharing. Keep looking at your goal. Keep aiming. You have got this.

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