Altar'd State Isn't Just a Clothing Store

Have you ever thought of the difference between the flavor of “real” watermelon vs the imitation version that you get in candy--like a jolly rancher, for example. The difference isn’t subtle. They are nothing alike. Don’t believe me or haven’t explored that thought before. Go buy both right now and try them side by side. Yes, this is probably one of the only times I will encourage you to eat candy--AND NO DON’T EAT AN ENTIRE BAG, just buy a single jolly rancher if you can find them at a gas station (or some other artificially flavored candy) then compare it to the real thing. It’s an altered version of the real thing. The reality is watermelon is the ONLY watermelon. You can’t fake that flavor. Sure, you can slap a label on something long enough and tell people and yourself it’s watermelon, but it isn’t REAL-ly watermelon.

Maybe that girl you have been speaking to in the mirror is just an altered version of you. She’s a form of you, but not the authentic version of you. Did you know that as we are growing up--typically somewhere between 12-18, we go through a psychological process that Erik Erikson termed “Identity vs. Role Confusion”. During this stage, teenagers explore their identities and try to establish a sense of self. If a solid identity base is not realized, then they may experience “role confusion” and struggle with their own sense of identity.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I have been in a state of “role confusion” ever since boys and girls began getting “interested” in one another around the age of 12 in 6th grade, ugh! When I allowed myself to be subject to the opinion of my peers and especially the boys around me, I think I quit knowing and loving myself. That fun, carefree, free agent of life died in that place.In the place of it was born a self-conscious (not in a good way), low self-worth, low self-esteemed imposter. Self-love, a personal value I now am working to administer within myself as I seek to set better boundaries between who I am and what others expect me to be.

I am working on breaking myself free from the shackles of an “alter-me”. A self that made decisions based on being on the receiving end of outside, objective opinions. I seated “others” in a place to have dominion over me without even realizing that was what I was doing. Did I become an imitation flavor of an authentic thing? Authenticity is something I value as an adult and something I am now actively trying to practice.

One of my favorite visual representations of this is looking at Picasso’s self portraiture. I feel that if you look at the progression of them over the period of many years, it represents the way that various external perspectives actually alter the “self”.

The progression of change seen here, is such that, the original image and the last image of the man, are completely unrecognizable from one another. Had he really come to view himself in such a way that he didn’t even recognize himself anymore? The images suggest so. I find it interesting that one eye always appears to be darkened. Did you know that having two eyes is what gives humans the ability to see depth and perceive things more accurately? So, is each portrait suggestive of a lack of being able to accurately perceive himself, and if so, what had darkened his eye?

It brings to mind for me a bible verse about having one’s eyes be darkened. If you are interested in reading and considering it yourself it’s in Romans 11: 7-10

Reflection:

1. Do you feel there are any ways that you have altered yourself or that your own view of yourself has been altered because you allowed yourself to be subject to the opinions, perspectives or viewpoints of others?

2. Have those alterations been to the betterment of you?

How might you now take better dominion over yourself in order to bring yourself back to the order of your original “blueprint”? Psalm 139:13-14